i hate the mall

i don’t see the utility in going to the mall. it’s so much easier to get everything you want online. you find the exact thing you want with a quick google search and purchase it and have it shipped all within a few minutes. it’s not right or natural. a handful of chinese people probably have to suffer in order for you to get your amazon delivery the same day. but it’s possible. in person there is always a problem with the cash register. aren’t you sick of it? watching the tan blonde girl working the front at Aerie call her manager over to ask why your item isn’t scanning. she wears a powder blue garment that is both a sports bra and shirt. you think where do you even purchase such a thing. she apologizes in an insincere and excessive way. she’ll be here in a minute, i’m sorry. she’s coming back from her lunch break, it’s gonna be a second. that somehow makes time feel like it’s moving slower.

but i want to be on my phone less and in the world more. i want to want to go to the mall. they’re just not making it easier for me. at the mall you’re lucky to find something you sort of want. has it always been this way? there’s this tiktok that posts old videos of people shopping at Woodfield mall in Schaumburg, Illinois, 50 minutes outside of chicago. this is old footage from the 90s. in one of the clips someone asks a group of girls what they are shopping for and they giggle and say they’re on the hunt to find boys. that’s another thing you don’t have to go out for anymore. you can filter so many things on the apps now too, age, race, height, education. you can find exactly what you want. a lot of perverted and cursed pairings are born from these measures. they’ll say it’s so minority groups get to match with other from the same group. they’ll say it’s so people can choose to only be shown profiles within their age range. sure, they have to say that. but it’s so that guys in their late 30s can effectively doordash barely legal girls with pill problems to their apartment who don’t know any better. i am not referring to myself or any experience i’ve ever had. i’m just saying that’s what happens.

exactly what you want can’t be good for you. you should get sort of what you want and find out a way to be happy with it. sometimes when i watch porn i will attempt an exercise where i pick something from the home page. no searching, scrolling, sifting, nothing of the sort. like a bank heist, in and out in 15 minutes. to get around this sometimes i will exit incognito mode and go back to my regular browser because the home page will be full of what i watch anyway, since the algorithm has learned me. i know that defeats the purpose but i find a way to rationalize it in my head. what’s great about the mall is auntie anne’s. i really love that place. but the drinks are too sugary for my sensitive teeth. they’re too sugary for anyone’s oral health. i’ve been telling myself i’m going to go to the store to get sensodyne. i don’t do it. i’m really afraid of going outside.